🔥HOT TIP 1: Late date? Doggy bag it.

The scenario: you’re waiting for your date who is running late.
They text you: “sorry i’m omw!! (on my way)”

Your stomach grumbles, not from nerves but hunger. So you order for two and eat for one, doggy bagging the rest.

That’s what we call “ASS”- short for assertive. Not the “ass” to be confused with the taxonomical horse, although etymologically related. Not the “ass” short for asshole, which probably came from the equine “asinus.” If someone breaks an agreement, feel and follow your gut. Rarely has a stomach led one asstray. It’s your time, which waits for no one, especially you. And for all we know, every supper is our last.

PROS:	CONS:
Eat when you’re hungry Doesn’t waste time (yours) Doesn’t waste time (theirs) Eliminates flakes	None

🔥HOT TIP 2: Beat the curve

You have a big poo coming up, undoubtedly. It doesn’t hurt to start training for top condition on performance day. Begin a few months early. Take it easy, once a week. Then progress to two times, three times, four…until you are comfortable with a daily brown. Before you know it, you’re a natural.

🔥HOT TIP 3: Hot, not!

It’s a fact that skin is the leading cause of feeling hot, so we tackle the problem at its source. Set aside a few days for this one.

Step 1: identify a reluctant neighbor
Step 2: detach the neighbor’s tub from its cavity and shimmy it out to the lawn, making sure to crush your toes a few times in the process.
Step 3: draw a nice ice bath. Your body will be fully distressed and sweaty from moving the tub, making this next part easy. Soak in the cold solution for 6 to 10 hours until the tingling sensation of hypothermia ceases.
Step 4: rejoice! Neural signals no longer send the brain any messages about it being hot, or not!

 

That’s all the Hot Tips I’ve Got, hope you learned something!